whats on my mind?

Right now, I actually don't really have anything to say. I just feel as though I should update this because I haven't for some time. My whole life is spent waiting right now. Waiting to find out with I start work, waiting to find out when I work, waiting til I get a car, waiting for an appartment. Just waiting. Nothingness consumes my days and on the odd day I have to wake up before 2. It sounds bad. Its boring. But what can I do? What can I do?
Things are so boringly complicated right now. .. i just don't really know what to do about it. How does one get a life? How does one go out and do things? And what does one do? I am really struggling with that right now. I used to be the person who lead people in fun...fun that wasn't good for me. But now I just don't even know how to have fun...
But ya hopefully my fun fuse won't be broken forever.

The Broken Road

Why does the road that I walk on always seem to be broken? A mess of rock and dirt threatening to be overthrown by weeds and over growth. In some places this broken road is merely a path barely noticeable. At times I have to look down at my feet, or atleast I think that I have to look down at my own feel so as not to trip. But it is when I look away from the road that lies ahead that I trip and fall.

Some how I always start moving again. Once in awhile this broken road comes within sight of a paved road. There is a lot more traffic on this paved smooth road. Sometimes cars stop and ask if I need a ride.

I want to accept a ride. I don't want to keep walking. Sometimes I do accept a ride. But some how I always end up back on this broken road again. And this time I won't accept a ride.

This time I will keep my eyes on the broken road in front of me. I won't look down at my own feet and rely on them to keep me going. I will keep my eyes on The One who called me to walk down this road.

The One who has called an extremely broken person, to a very broken road. Even amidst all my brokeness He still finds me beautiful. He sees a beauty with in me that noone else sees.

Its the same as with the broken road. To the people travelling on the paved highway it is pointless and a waste of time. They fail to see the joy in travelling this road. They feel to see who the road leads to.

Some see and have been on the road but find it pointless to walk that road right now. But I tell you that it is not just the prize at the end that we look forward to. It is every day on this broken road. You see, on this broken yet beautiful road, I have found the one thing that many others have missed...

Life to the Full....

My Life

Ok, so right now I am doing nothing. I fear that this might be the calm before the overwhelming storm. As of right now I have 2 jobs. One at the spa, like I had told you about before. I got a second one at a chiropractic office, which I start next week some time. As soon as I get my Massage therapist number from the association (so pray that it would come quickly). And I may get a 3rd job. I have a job interview for it tomorrow. Its a totally different job. But I will tell you about it when and if I get it.

Anyways besides that things are going good. I ya, things are good, thats all Ican say. God is good. He really is good.

keep your dreads...

and be a professional too.

I now have 2 jobs. One at the spa that I wrote about before. And today I officially work at a Chiropractic office as well. I am really excited about that.

I went to my aunt and uncles in Calgary this weekend because one of my Grammas from Ontario was there. Over all it was a really good weekend.

I went with my dad and a few times we didn't go. And I had a realization this weekend, that my dad thinks he is a failure. He is so afraid to visit his family, because he thinks that they think he is a failure. He has always felt like the black sheep of the family. And I never really understood why. I mean his family seems to love him. I will never really understand what made my dad the way he is.

And I have come to the conclusion that words are so much more powerful than we think. The words that have been spoken over a person in the past can have holds on them their whole lives. People feel obligated to live up to other people's standards and what if the standards aren't very high? What if the words you say about people make them who they are? If you knew that what you said about your friend, daughter, brother, a stranger on the street could change who they are, would you still have said that? Would you still have made that comment?

All my dad needs to know is that someone is proud of him. My dad is the picture of society. Of the society of today, who doesn't know how to be loved. That feels like such a failure that they couldn't possibly be worth of love from God. What are we as the body speaking over people? What are we speaking over the body of Christ? What are we speaking over ourselves?

Think about it...think about how you've been shaped by other people. Think...