Healing Tears

On Friday, I spent 3/4 's of the day crying. There were tears of sadness, loneliness, anger, confusion, joy, happiness, love and life. There were also tears for the end of an era. I haven't spent much time studying the old testament like I should have but after 40 years of wandering in the desert I am positive that when they were heading to the promised land that they cried a mixture of tears.

I am no longer wandering in the desert. I feel as if I am on the edge of something more, I'm on the ledge waiting to jump. All I have to do is jump, to run ahead, to climb. God did something major in my heart these past 10 days. It hurt...alot. I had to get rid of some things that were really important in my life. It hasn't really sunken in yet, because I haven't returned to my normal life yet... (aka life back in Edmonton). And to be completely honest I am scared.

Someone told me the other day that the reason why I always have discouragement coming my way is because satan knows that if I actually follow God with my whole heart that I will be a force. That made me think, its true. Whenever I get really close to God, something happens, and I fall down the mountain that I have worked so hard for.

The other day before I came to the place where I found God, I was wondering if I ever really believed. How can someone whose seen as many miracles as I have, someone whose had real conversations with God, and ya have known his great love...how can they just turn around and run away. I wondered if I was ever truly a spiritual person.

Yes. I was. And still am. The desire for the truth never left, it was always there. I just tried to cover it. There is a verse in the bible that says something like this 'That neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither past nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

Amen....more to follow.