Cook Islands

Right now i am in the cook islands. soaking up the freaking sun! tannage is upon me. glorious tannage. For reals yo. ahhh. glorious sun. glorious glorious sun!!!!!!!!!

on the road again

i write to you from the incredibly weird vancouver airport. I have commenced my travelling again. although this time it is not near as long. less than 3 weeks. as opposed to 8 months. tonight i am headed to LA to visit with a dear friend, and then tomorrow night i am on to Cook Islands. Me and a friend are staying together in a beach hut. she was my faith week partner back in the ywam days. and back in those days we travelled with 20 dollars...we are splurging and spending 30$/night in the cook islands. wahoo. insert music for big big spender. then i am off to fiji for a couple o days. then back to my beloved new zealand where i wish that I was returning to for good. but alas I am not.
I land in Auckland which is on a different island as christchurch. i am not sure how i am getting to christchurch. perhaps i will hitch hike. hmm. tis is an interesting dilemma.
how was your christmas? was it as bountiful as mine was? i got a sweet pair of shoes that proved that when you do fly on an airplane your feet really do get bigger. a cd player for my appartment. it has been driving me absolutely crazy not having music in my house, but now i do. among other wonderful things that i have receieved.
but today i was a little upset. the airport rules have yet again changed. you cant even bring a water bottle on the plane. i thought that i was gonna die. and they made me throw out my 30$ body butter...apparantly it is a liquid. yep i was a little choked. but i guess it just shows me that material possessions aren't what is important.
thats all for now folks.
have a blessed christmas season.

the life in times of angela

whats new with me? well first and formost...i can no longer sing loudly to bob marley's song 'dreadlock rasta' yep thats the newest thing. my 10 month old dreads are now a thing of the past. i am actually quite sad about it. i grew rather attached to them. as they were actually attached to me :) i am not sure why i bought into it. i found that people respected me less, treated me inferiorly and ya judged me with my dreads. thats not why i removed them though. i don't really know why i removed them. it was time i guess.

also i am still living alone. its glorious. or rather it would be if i had a car. incase you haven't read my previous blogs i used to have a roomate but due to circumstances beyond my control i no longer do. i'm looking for a car. but no such luck so far. so i bus an hour to work which isnt bad. but i havent found a good route home yet. so it either takes 2 and a half hours, or i have to walk for 45 minutes, or take a 10 dollar cab ride. life as an adult is rather glorious.

and i'm tired. i just can't get enough sleep. sleep doesn't provide any comfort to this kind of exhaustion.

i also went to the worst church of my whole life. for reals. i could have learned more about God if i had got drunk at a bar, or watched a porn film. for reals. God did not exist in this church. and its sad cuz i heard that its a really good church. but alas it was lamer than the fact that christmas began 2 months ago...ok not that lame.
angeeloo

Always Use A Condom

Incase you have noticed before, sometimes my titles have nothing to do with what I actually write about. But in this case, it does have something to do with it. My thoughts are random but usually the pull together in the end.

After a massage today, I felt depressed. I wanted to puke. I looked in the mirror and I wanted to punch the mirror so that I didn't have to look at myself. My back hurt, my heart hurt and I was afraid. I didn't know what brought this on. I was scared. Terrified. I didn't want to stay but I was afraid to leave. Why did this happen?

I then had a big realization. Thats how the person who I had just massaged felt. I picked up what she was feeling. And then the sadness came. What is she afraid of? Does she hate herself? Does she feel not good enough?

I didn't like experiencing those emotions for one minute, but how could a person live their life like that? I also realized that I have a very open aura I guess you would call it. When someone is sad, I am sad. I guess you could say I do Shabot with a person. Yet its funny cause people think I am a very uncompassionate person. I want to identify with people, I guess I asked God to show me how other people. But there has to be a safer way than this.

There has to be a way that you can feel what a person feels, and identify with them, without it bringing you down. Then it dawned on me. Where a condom. Random put true. But this condom is not just a 99.9% condom. This is condom that is 100% effective. Its simple its basic, it has no studs or spikes and its not lubricated or flavored. Its plain. And its in the bible...

What? Ya its true. God clearly talks about wearing spiritual condoms in a sense. I think that this term is more relevant to our society. Other words known as The Armor of God. "There fore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground."

The day of evil is here. We can't go anywhere without there being evil. Its around every corner. We may not feel it, but its there. And it hates us. It hates the spirit that Christ put in us. It wants to affect us.

Have you ever walked into a store and felt sadder when you left, have you ever heard someone talk negatively about themselves and thought about all your flaws. Have you been in a group of people that uses profanity and had the urge to swear? There is evil all around us, and no offense but most of the time we are so dumb that we don't realize it and we take it home with us.

Most of us are infected with spiritual STDs and we don't even know it. Before you leave the house, before you get out of bed, put on your spiritual condom. You need it. Oh and hey, if you are infected with spiritual STDs, I know the great physician...he can heal you and renew your mind.

The moral of the story...ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!!!!

PUT ON THE SPIRITUAL CONDOM OF GOD AND WHEN STD'S COME YOU WILL BE PROTECTED.

I see with my Hands

I see with my hands... Current mood: drained

I am a massage therapist. I work 6 days a week as a massage therapist. Being a massage therapist is harder than I had imagined.

I see a lot of pain. Pain caused by car accidents, or trauma or pain that is completely unexplained. But I can explain their pain. Its not due to knots or whiplash. Its due to emptiness. I see a lot of empty people. At one time they may have been full, but now, now they have lost what they used to have. People just don't believe that they can get better, I mean why would they believe that they can get better if they have nothing to believe in?

Then I got to thinking about what I believe in. I have a lot of time to think during the day. What do I believe in? If someone asked me today what I believed in, what would I say? First of all I would be breaking a law, a law. I would be breaking a health professionalism law if I told someone what I believe in.

I believe in life. People don't want to hear that. They would rather deal with an empty person like themselves. Empty people stick together so that they don't get convicted. I believe in life now. I believe in living. I am alive, I am living, I have life. And the only reason I have life is because I have Jesus.

I realized lately that you can tell the difference between a person who has life. Its in their eyes. They say that eyes are the door way to the soul. What are your eyes saying? Do your eyes overflow? Or are they empty like everyone elses around you?
Are you living life? Or some other counterpart?
*******************************************************

Yesterday a man told me that he was cheating on his wife. His eyes were empty. You could tell that he felt bad. But he said that if he told her she would leave him. And he couldn't deal with it. So he just kept on walking down this road instead of turning back.

Today his wife came in. She seemed a little sad. I asked her if she was ok. She told me she thought her husband was cheating on her. She asked me if I thought that he could be.
I cried inside. I said I didn't know. My heart hurts. But my eyes are too dry to cry. What could I have said?

What would you have said? Told the truth? Or broke the law...and lost your job. I didn't know what choice to make. So I changed the subject.

She loves her husband dearly. She said that she would be hurt if her husband was cheating on her. She said that she would forgive him, because she would understand why he did.
But he doesn't want to take the chance. So he would rather feeling sick, every time his wife says he loves him.

Whatever.

All I can do is love. And I can only love with God's help. I no longer can rely on my words...but its my actions that tell the story

its all good.

i apologize for the bitterness that was portrayed in this past post. well ya, its all good. things are looking up ya know. and ya its all good.
angee

letdowns, triumphs and just crap

Hey,

So as some of you may not know, I moved out of my Mom's house at the beginning of November. I moved to the west end of edmonton....for my cousin, because we would be near to where she worked, so then I could use her car to drive to my work. So things were going good, we were just settling into the place and to the routine of life.

Then comes Wednesday. Wednesday I did not start work until the afternoon so I was at home eating lunch and I went to the kitchen to grab a cup from the cupboard...well the whole kitchen cupboard fell off the wall. Who does that happen to? The whole thing. Seriously. I am not even lying. It hit my neck and my leg. Glass everywhere. Turns out the contractor did a really crappy job.

Well I called my cousin at work, and told her. And then she said she needed to talk to me when I got home. We talked when I got home, and she said that she had basically quit her job and was going to move back home to Ontario in January because she wasn't happy where she is. Well thats fine, that gives me 2 months to find a roomate or decide if I am gonna move. Well yesterday which was Thursday, she stayed home sick and her boss called in and said that since she was quitting anyways she might as well not come back. Well she is leaving on Tuesday.

So now I have a place which I can't afford. I have to spend 4 hours on the bus each day. I have never been this angry or stressed out in my life. Actually as I write this tears are falling. I am so stressed that I have been puking, I've passed out, and my eye sight is blurry. And I am angry. I've only lived here for 2 freaking weeks.

Honestly, I understand, but she screwed me over. Right now I honestly hate her. That is something I am going to have to deal with, God says don't let the sun go down on your anger. I let it go down and now I am even angrier. Right now, I don't care to ever see her again. I know that sounds harsh but its true. I can't hide how I feel. She hurt me. She really did.

And ya thats my laugh right now, but I need to go puke once again, so I should go.

Angee

If these blue eyes could talk

I have blues eyes, when I am angry these eyes turn to an icey silverish blue flecked with red. When I am sad they are the bluest of blues with a hint of tears. When I am happy or joyful they turn a greenish hazel colour.

These eyes have been through a lot. Would would they say if they could talk?
Would they tell someone about the bruises on the lady at the bus stop? Would they feed the homeless man eating from the dumpster? Would these eyes take a stand and shout out against the civil wars in Africa? Would these eyes comfort a broken hearted mother after her son hung himself in his basement last week? Would these eyes have shown him love before it was too late?

Would these eyes admit that they had seen my best friends husband kissing another woman? Would they reach out and say to the ladies working on the corner that they are worthy to be loved? Would these eyes even walk over to the kids shooting up in the alley and tell them that there is a better way? Would these eyes joke with someone who needed to laugh? Would they try to dry the tears that fell? Would they hold you in their arms until the pain is gone? Would they even stand for something instead of falling for nothing? OR would they offer a shoulder, a helping hand, a comforting word, a prayer, an open ear or even a smile?

No. All my eyes can do is look. They can't speak, walk, hold, jump. All the eyes can do is see.

But to see, that should be enough. Not to just look and walk away. But to reach out. To use the body that God gave us and use it to the full. The world has enough eyes that can see...but is their any bodys?

brown eyed jesus

i saw him the other day. standing on the street. i looked into his big brown eyes and he smiled as he opened the door for me. i saw him later that day and he told me he had been thinking about me. i was in love. i gave him my heart. he said he gave me freedom. he made me want to fly. he made me think that i was beautiful. i trusted in him, i was his and he was mine.
i walked into the place i called heaven. it just didn't feel right. something was off. someone else was with my jesus in my piece of heaven.

how could someone who made me want to fly make me want to die?
the truth is that he wasn't jesus. he did bring me freedom, he didn't love me. then why did i so readily give my heart to him? why did i lift him up like he was my lord? why did i place him higher than my god?

my heart was broken on the floor, and then this so called brown eyed jesus stomped on it. and it was my fault. i give my heart away so easily to places that will stomp on it. yet i am afraid to give it to the one true Jesus, the one who will hold it in the palm of his hands ever so gentley and lovingly, the one who will heal and make my broken heart new.

why can i give my heart to the brown eyed jesus on the street corner, but not Jesus saviour and lover of my soul?

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Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

I heard a song the other day, comparing a relationship between 2 people to slow dancing in a burning room. That paints a picture now doesn't it. You can just picture this couple, dancing in eachothers arms, holding eachother close. Yet the fire keeps burning closer and closer to them. You shout at them to get out.

At last minute they escape. Badly burned. And you wonder, what were they thinking? Did they not see the fire coming?

I look at the people around me, who are in these kind of relationships. And I wonder if they even know that it won't work out. They choose to wait til the very end, to call it quits. They choose to hurt eachother even greater than if they had decided to end it at the beginning when they knew it was the end. And you see, most of them can pinpoint when the end began.

Why when you know that you will eventually leave that person, do you drag it on and pretend that nothing is wrong. Is it perhaps that we are all afraid to be alone?

update ish

I don't know why I bother updating my jobs on here. It changes like the weather.
Ok recap, at the beginning of September I got a job at a spa, a chiropractors office, and as a support worker. I decided not to take the one as a support worked cuz i thought that when I started working at all 3 places it would be pretty crazy. Then my massage association took such a long time that the chiropractors office, their other massage therapist decided to take more hours on so that they didn't need me anymore.
So I have been working at just the spa...barely surviving. And going to a few job interviews that just didn't seem to fit. I actually turned some down cuz they didn't feel right.
well the other day I went to a job interview, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. And they asked me to come back the next day to do a massage 'test' so to speak on one of the massage therapists. Well apparantly I passed the 'test' with flying colours and the massage therapist loved me and I was hired. Well I asked the boss chiropractor guy if I could try it out for a week to see how it felt. Well I will be starting Tuesday.
BUt now I am really confused. Because apparantly I may have to pay more money to get registered. Its really making me mad. I paid over 10,000$ to get certified. I paid 400$ to get associated, I paid $60 to get licensed, $30 for a criminal record check, and now apparantly I have to pay over 500$ to get registered.
So ya, I am not sure if I will be allowd to work at the chiro office until I get registered. But then once again I will get screwed over by the professional governing bodies. Yep, I am not bitter at all :)
anyways ya thats pretty much all thats new with me right now. I am just ya, tired I guess. Of not knowing what is next. I feel like I spend my life walking on eggshells. I am not sure what I mean by that but ya.
Things aren't bad right now, they are just hard.

a new breed

There is a new breed of people atleast in my province. The so called rich province. This breed is called the working homeless. I always hear people say that the homeless on the streets can always get jobs cuz there is a huge need for jobs out there right now. But how can you have no home and go to work each and every day? Who is going to put up with the smell. How is going ot put up with the lack of cleanliness. Where are you supposed to type up your resume? What if you don't have anything to put on your resume? And it is not just the already homeless that are affected.

It is normal everyday people. Someone close to me has become homeless. And I am truly worried about them. Land of the free we are called. But nothing at all comes free. No one can afford to live here. $900.oo for a 1 room appartment is not a good deal. Or you can move in to the skids, which I am not sure what is worse, that or living on the streets. Atleast when you live on the streets you have soup kitchens and toy drives that support you.

Where is the church in all of this. What about James 1:27....'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Where are we? Instead we turn a batted eye and we wait for someone with a heart for this type of ministry to come along. It is not just a calling on a few people. THis is a command from God. If you call yourself a Christian you have no excuse for showing favoritism. Just read James and you should be smacked. If you aren't convicted by reading James...check your heart and see what is in it.

life as a teenage wannabe

When I was 17, things were good. They really were. That year had to be one of the best years of my life. It was so simple. I couldn't go into bars yet, so I didn't rely on those sorts of things to provide me with fun. All we did was drive. Drive, Drive, Drive. UP and down the streets, windows open, AM radio blarring...if it was my car. Even in the winter, the heat would be full blast and the windows would be open. Sometimes we would get out an walk. Get hit on my 'older 20 year old boys', but it was ok, we couldn't go into bars so nothing really stupid could happen.

Then things changed and I turned 18. Barred it up non stop. At least a few days a week. Thats what our fun was. We relied on the bars. And now, about a year ago I ran from that life. But I am back from the marathon run that I had found myself on for the past year. I find myself confused. Where did fun go. ? I don't find the same things fun anymore. I don't like to hang out with the same people. But I don't want to leave them either.

I find myself satisfied with doing nothing. Then I won't let myself down, and think that I am no fun anymore. I used to be the life of the party, infact I decided when the party started and when the party ended. Now I don't know how to have fun.

What do Christians do for fun?

whats on my mind?

Right now, I actually don't really have anything to say. I just feel as though I should update this because I haven't for some time. My whole life is spent waiting right now. Waiting to find out with I start work, waiting to find out when I work, waiting til I get a car, waiting for an appartment. Just waiting. Nothingness consumes my days and on the odd day I have to wake up before 2. It sounds bad. Its boring. But what can I do? What can I do?
Things are so boringly complicated right now. .. i just don't really know what to do about it. How does one get a life? How does one go out and do things? And what does one do? I am really struggling with that right now. I used to be the person who lead people in fun...fun that wasn't good for me. But now I just don't even know how to have fun...
But ya hopefully my fun fuse won't be broken forever.

The Broken Road

Why does the road that I walk on always seem to be broken? A mess of rock and dirt threatening to be overthrown by weeds and over growth. In some places this broken road is merely a path barely noticeable. At times I have to look down at my feet, or atleast I think that I have to look down at my own feel so as not to trip. But it is when I look away from the road that lies ahead that I trip and fall.

Some how I always start moving again. Once in awhile this broken road comes within sight of a paved road. There is a lot more traffic on this paved smooth road. Sometimes cars stop and ask if I need a ride.

I want to accept a ride. I don't want to keep walking. Sometimes I do accept a ride. But some how I always end up back on this broken road again. And this time I won't accept a ride.

This time I will keep my eyes on the broken road in front of me. I won't look down at my own feet and rely on them to keep me going. I will keep my eyes on The One who called me to walk down this road.

The One who has called an extremely broken person, to a very broken road. Even amidst all my brokeness He still finds me beautiful. He sees a beauty with in me that noone else sees.

Its the same as with the broken road. To the people travelling on the paved highway it is pointless and a waste of time. They fail to see the joy in travelling this road. They feel to see who the road leads to.

Some see and have been on the road but find it pointless to walk that road right now. But I tell you that it is not just the prize at the end that we look forward to. It is every day on this broken road. You see, on this broken yet beautiful road, I have found the one thing that many others have missed...

Life to the Full....

My Life

Ok, so right now I am doing nothing. I fear that this might be the calm before the overwhelming storm. As of right now I have 2 jobs. One at the spa, like I had told you about before. I got a second one at a chiropractic office, which I start next week some time. As soon as I get my Massage therapist number from the association (so pray that it would come quickly). And I may get a 3rd job. I have a job interview for it tomorrow. Its a totally different job. But I will tell you about it when and if I get it.

Anyways besides that things are going good. I ya, things are good, thats all Ican say. God is good. He really is good.

keep your dreads...

and be a professional too.

I now have 2 jobs. One at the spa that I wrote about before. And today I officially work at a Chiropractic office as well. I am really excited about that.

I went to my aunt and uncles in Calgary this weekend because one of my Grammas from Ontario was there. Over all it was a really good weekend.

I went with my dad and a few times we didn't go. And I had a realization this weekend, that my dad thinks he is a failure. He is so afraid to visit his family, because he thinks that they think he is a failure. He has always felt like the black sheep of the family. And I never really understood why. I mean his family seems to love him. I will never really understand what made my dad the way he is.

And I have come to the conclusion that words are so much more powerful than we think. The words that have been spoken over a person in the past can have holds on them their whole lives. People feel obligated to live up to other people's standards and what if the standards aren't very high? What if the words you say about people make them who they are? If you knew that what you said about your friend, daughter, brother, a stranger on the street could change who they are, would you still have said that? Would you still have made that comment?

All my dad needs to know is that someone is proud of him. My dad is the picture of society. Of the society of today, who doesn't know how to be loved. That feels like such a failure that they couldn't possibly be worth of love from God. What are we as the body speaking over people? What are we speaking over the body of Christ? What are we speaking over ourselves?

Think about it...think about how you've been shaped by other people. Think...

This is something that ended up in my email, really random actually and it spoke volumes to me. May it speak to you as well.
~Angee

I call you forth now from bondage to freedom

Beloved, I am allowing this difficult circumstance at this time as an opportunity for you to overcome failure and rejection that still holds a place in your heart. It is a place of weakness that the enemy can exploit unless you face the power of the enemy to keep you in bondage. I call you forth now from bondage to freedom; from death to life; from darkness to light. And, you shall come forth in great and lasting victory. It is time for you to be released from your past once and for all and to be free, says the Lord.

Psalms 107:14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, And broke their chains in pieces.

I got a Job

Well for those of you who care, I now have a job. I am using the schooling I have received. And I am now a massage therapist at a spa in downtown edmonton. I am a professional. weird eh.

so what now....

So right now. God told me to wait. I went ahead. God told me to wait again. I made plans. He told me to wait for a third time. And once again I charged on ahead...and now I am completely at a loss. Wondering what on earth is next. Now I am back at square 1, when I could have been waiting.
The next time God tells you to wait...wait. Don't go. Red means stop....

The past 4 weeks

As you may know I spent the past 4 weeks working at my former home and the place that holds my heart Big River Bible Camp. I thought that I would update you on what the past weeks looked like.

I got to Big River via my Mom. My mom is so awesome. She drove me 6 hours to the camp. It was hard getting back into the swing of things especially since all the staff that had been there had already been there for a week. And since Big River had been the last place I lived since leaving the country it seemed weird to see so many other people taking over my home :) But it was ok.

I shared a cabin with a girl from Prince Albert, Kim. She was a great girl and we had a great week with a bunch of 12 year old girls. I actually got to sleep during FOBIC (flat on back in cabin) and it was just a good week. But no ammount of sleep could take away the exhaustion I had felt. I mean I had been going going going, left Israel got home, was there for a few days, had to see a bunch of people and I didn't really get a chance to 'spiritually, emotionally' rest. But God definately sustained me. Oh and the speaker for week 2 was pretty much karazy. He was this illusionist guy with a puppet. God also got me thru the hardcore boring chapels :) but they were good for the kids.

The second week that i was there, I had 2 co counsellors, Hannah from Las Vegas, and Kaitlyn from Cumberland House. It was a slightly more difficult week. Just emotionally draining. We had lice in our cabin and I freaked out. I have dreads and everyone told me that if you get lice you have to shave your head. So I frantically checked the internet for different ways to remedy the problem. Turns out I didn't have them. But this week I absolutely fell in love with a little girl her name was Crystal. She called me mom the whole week. My heart broke to let her go, I even cried. I never cry at goodbyes, goodbyes have made me some what jaded. But I loved that little girl so much, and I would have brought her home if I could of. But over all it was a pretty good week.

Then the next week, was an interesting week for me. I counselled alone...in a tent. yeppers I had 5 girls in a tent. And it rained the whole week. And they were somewhat difficult girls. THere was not enough room in the tent so all my stuff sat underneath a tent for the week. The reason why I was in a tent was because we were too full, we had our biggest week of camp pretty much ever. And we didn't want to turn anyone away. So we set up a tent. But overall it was pretty good. This week it was harder than the past weeks to connect with the kids since it was just such a big week of camp.

Then comes the final week. Teen camp....the past 3 weeks had been junior camp (8-12). Well teen camp was interesting. 30 some kids. 4 counsellors, and the speaker went in one camp. It was a karazy week. I left teen camp feeling so drained. At times i felt as if I was the only counsellor there. Girls from other cabins would come in my cabin at 2 am to talk to me cuz they couldn't talk to their counsellors. Like ya it was just draining hearing all these girls problems and they were asking for help, and just knowing that there really wasn't anything that I could tell them. Like they were crying for me to help them stop smoking, stop drugs, stop drinking...but I don't live there. I can't support them. These girls don't have any support. And that is hard.

So I think overall, this past year has taught me one huge lesson. Or maybe not a lesson, but with all these goodbyes, and leaving people after a week of knowing them, I think that God is calling me to stay in one spot for awhile. I am not sure how soon the staying will come. But ya we shall see what is next.

Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10

home again

I am home for the second time in a month. Camp is over for the year and I still have no clue where I am headed. This summer was my hardest year of camp yet, and I am not sure why. Maybe cause I went to camp already exhausted...I'm guessing that, that doesn't help.
BUt ya I am tired and my bed is calling me....I havent slept on it for over 7 months, and when I came home at the beginning of July my room was a storage room...so tonight will be the first night.

camp

Hello HelloRight now I am on my 45 minute break from my kids. For those of you who don't know i am currently counselling at Big River Bible Camp. Me and my co leader have 5 girls. They are all so beautiful. And out of 5, only 1 of them have looked at a bible before.I am one of the older staff and I am only 20, so I am kinda forced more into leadership and I am there really to just encourage and be an example. Being an example is actaully quite hard, and God has really been challenging me with loving people. We have had some major love issues at camp here, and its a hard camp i'm not gonna lie. Its a native kids camp, and the stats say that 80% of kids are abused...we rarely see the 20%. So these kids are just crying out for love. And we can say that we love them all that we want, but its our actions that speak. These kids don't believe that we could possibly love them, so they try to make us mad, they want to prove that we don't love them, they try to push our limits.I was really challenged at how I respond to this...How do you respond out of love?
And God has just really been teaching me that. And loving isn't easy. Especially with in the staff also. But its someone that if we are a believe of Jesus Christ we are called to do!
So I challenge you to love someone today. Give a hug, a word of encouragement. Befriend someone who its hard to. Be the difference. Be the light. Be.

Like a Rolling Stone

How does it feel

How does it feel

To be without a home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone?

Ya, that is what I feel like right now. It is really good to be here with my family and such. But it really just doesn't feel like an actual home. I am going to camp tomorrow in Saskatchewan and that feels like I am going home. But not an actual home. And then I realized that I am bound for so much more. This isn't my home. I feel like I am just a fish in a fish bowl and I don't see beyond my bowl. And it is true, there are so much more to things and this life that I know. One day Heaven will be my home. Seriously what a flippin trippy concept. Kinda freaks a person out. But how cool to know that eh? To know that this isn't our real homes. We have so much more coming.

But yet we have so much here. Jesus came so that we would have life and life to the full. I feel like i have lived a pretty full past few months. The other day I had time to just sit and talk to God and journal my thoughts. And that was pretty cool, and afterwards when I was driving away, I was like this is where I am supposed to be right now. And it was a cool feeling.

My thoughts are just all over the place. I really ya, I am happy, well I guess happy isn't the right word. I am content in the moment. I feel as though I am in the right place (although I don't really want to be here) but it feels right.

Anyways I should go, cuz i am really blabbing now.

starbucks, walmart and CSI

Thats what real life is. or I guess normal life is. I am kinda bored with it already. Its like i expected life to be waiting for me the exact way it was the day i got on the plane, and its different. but yet i was expecting lots of change and yet nothing has changed. Its real weird.

So ya i am at home now. Soon I shall be heading off to work at a camp. That will be good I hope. Not sure how i feel about this home thing, not sure how long normal life will last. I feel as though I am ruined for the ordinary. as much as i say i despise living out of a back pack, i miss it too.

Take me away!!! haha.

Real Life

I feel like my REAL life has taken a recess. That real life stopped on January 11 2006 when I got on the plane to New Zealand. OR perhaps even before that when I moved to small town Saskatchewan. Now that I am heading home for an indefinate ammount of time, does that mean that real life will begin again?

OR is this real life? Is travelling the world with just a backpack and a bible real life? Should I consider it real life? It certainly isn't a holiday. I think I need to change my perspective. This is as real as it gets. Being who I am and living for God, thats what real life is. That is as real as it gets. Living for him. Thats the reality. Collosians 2:15 I believe says that 'The reality however is found in Christ."

Thats real life...Christ. It doesn't matter if I am a missionary, a carpenter, salesman, pilot, actor, waitress, garbage man, it doesn't matter. Its who I am, it is if I am living for God.

It has taken me awhile to realize that. The reality is in him. In him. Not in me, not in things, not in places, not in people, but in him. That is the ultimate reality.

apologies are due

i would just like to apologize for my last blog...as I did not mean everything that I said.

media lies

Today, I had a huge realization...Media Lies. Like I knew that it lied, but I didn't know the extent to which it did. I sat and had dinner with a Palestinian man and shopkeeper today. He was an absolutely wonderful man. Totally hospitable. He told me his story. The Palestinian people have no identity. They can't leave yet they can't stay. They aren't accepted. They are hated. They are hated by religion.

Religion is the killer of society. Religion is a disease. Religion is the root of all problems. Actually my tears are falling right now. How can people live a religious life? The Jewish pray at the western wall, they wail, they cry because that is basically the closest they can get to the holy of holys because a muslim mosque is built on the old temple. How sad a life it must be to think that you have to get close to the presence of God cuz you can't experience it anywhere else. What kind of hope is that?

And the Muslim put a graveyard around the Golden gates where the jewish believe that their messiah comes through. Why would the muslim do that if they don't believe that there is a messiah that will come?

3 of the worlds religions meet here. And the worst parasite that I have seen here is not Islam or Judaism...but so called Christians. I am absolutely ashamed to refer to myself as one. They are the most ignorant people I have ever met. It hurt. What is the point of living this life for Jesus Christ, if in the place where peopel need to see love and life, we don't show it. It hurt me.

I am ashamed to call myself a Christian. Ashamed. BUt you know what, its cuz we have turned something very pure and holy into a religion. GOd doesn't want religion. He wants our hearts. He doesn't want to place rules and regulations on our heads. He doesn't want to suffocate us. why is the north american church becoming religious? Trying to prove our religion right, getting into religious arguments and trying to be right instead of trying to be filled with love.

Its pathetic. What can we do? How can we avoid becoming religious? I haven't figured it out yet, but all I know that there is no life in relgion. And Jesus came to give us life and life to the full.

Love unfailing

Loved, hated, cried, laughed, danced, knealed, jumped, failed, triumphed, screamed, whined, hugged, fell in love, fell out of love, climbed, fell, sunk, leaped, drowned, up, down, round and round, lied, held someone close, been held close. all those things describe the last few months. it was a plethara of feelings. how can i answer how it has been? what can i say after God has kicked my ass numerous times in a row for the same thing. Why can't i just close the door on the old me. the me who wasnt me at all. the more i get to know my God the more i know myself, so who was the old me...was there any me at all?
I know who I am right now, at this moment in time I feel secure in knowing that I am what I am. I am who I am in Christ.
i am realizing that its not where you are or what your doing, but who you are and who you are living for....so who am I? Who are you? If you are wondering who you are...seek who he is. You will find more than you bargained for, you will find you also.

Finally

Several of you contacted me and told me that I need to update my blog. It felt nice to know that quite a few people actually check this out and all my work isn't in vain...haha.

So I have spent the past few days in Israel, our whole group from back in New Zealand met here and we are staying in the Jewish quarters of the old city of Jerusalem. Yes its a major mouth full eh. Time here has been pretty good except a bank machine ate my bank card and so I haven't been able to buy anything for the past few days, but the good news is that the card should be delivered soon...so i am getting it back.

My team and I debriefed in Greece on an amazing greek island called Aegina. THere is so much to talk about but I couldn't possibly write it all. I got in a scooter accident and had to pay a chunk load of money, but its ok i am surprisingly ok. everyone thought that i would be really hurt, i slid under the scooter for a good ammount of time and the only reason i stopped is cuz my head hit a pole...thankfully i was wearing a helmet.

But overall it was a good experience. But Natalia, one of the girls on my team only got to spend one day in Israel because she found out the the tumor that was growing was actually 2 and that she was bleeding in her head. please please pray for her, and stand with her during this time!

Anyways other than that, my time is almost over. Actually a week from today and this phase of my life is over. I have a few things up my sleeve, but we shall see whats up Gods sleeve.
Talk to you all later!@
Angee

Last day

Today was our last formal day of outreach. Our last day of outreach. Tomorrow we will be in greece and thats when the debrief of our time begins. How on earth did this all go so fast? This is completely karazy I tell ya!

So more to think about, so much to just let go ya know? Like so many huge, good, bad, hard, fun, exciting things happened in the past 6 months and in less than 20 days this thing called DTS will be over, and I Angela Melanson will once again have no plan for my life. Its a good place to be I tell ya :)

Mac and Greece

Heyhey
I finally got to Macedonia a few days ago. I has been a really good experience and we got the opportunity to chill with some DTSers here in Macedonia. It was good, and tomorrow afternoon we are heading to Greece!!!!
I am so excited. but anyways an update will be sent to yall later on!
Angee

Rejected by FYROM?

I am writing this blog from, k get this a Japanese guest house. How me and 2 of my team mates ended up here is an exciting tale of many twists and turns. So sit back and relax while you enjoy the story.

It all started on the eve of June 4th when the karazy Eastern European team caught a night train from Istanbul to Sofia. The team was expecting the night to be incidence free and were hoping that there would be plenty of sleep involved during this endeavour.

The first 3 hours of the train were rather sleepful, but then the Turkish border came. Everyone in the train had to wake up and get out of the train to hand their passports to officials. As I stepped out of the train I was bombarded and my breath was taken away from me because the cold night air was exactly that...completely freezing. It was the coldest we had been since Russia, and all of our warm clothes we had either given away or were packed at the bottom of our bags.

We spent about an hour and a half at the Turkish border and for what reason I am not quite sure at all. Then came border number one of Bulgaria, basically incident free. After a few more hours of fitfull sleep (I woke up smelling something horribly rancid and I thought that we were being gassed and that people were gonna rob us...but other than that it was an enjoyable train ride) We get to Sofia which is in Bulgaria after about 16 hours on the train, and we rush to the bus station just in time to catch a bus that is heading to Macedonia (or FYROM former Yugoslavian republic of macedonia) the bus ride was enjoyable, for 4 hours I slept on the bus and did other useless things.

Then came the second Bulgarian border of the day. Once again was quite uneventful. Then came the FYROM border. The man came and collected the passports of all 50 or so people on the bus and when he got to me he said "visa" and I gave him the blank look which has come in handy so many times on this trip. And then he left. I was a little confused that he had only asked me for a visa.

About 15 long and agonizing minutes later...just kidding. He came back in and he said Canada and Korea off the bus. So I walked off the bus with Stacey my fellow canadian and Jong Kyu the karazy korean. Turns out we needed a visa and they weren't going to let us to Macedonia. So I go back on the bus and collect my stuff and say goodbye to the other 6 members of our team.

Here is where the fun times began. So this man escorts us thru this gate and we are all thinking that he is going to help us get things sorted out, but all he says to us is that we need to go to Sofia to get a visa. And then slams and locks a gate in our faces. A flippin gate that I could have jumped over if I had want to. So here we were, the 3 of us standing in unfamilar territory. And I started laughing. Its all I could do. We were thrown off the bus with like basically no money.

So I suggested that we save money *save the non existant money and hitch back. Well we got picked up by a strange man, and he took us through the Bulgarian border for the 3rd time that day, and we were marked as unaccepted...I have an unaccepted stamp in my passport. I think that thats quite funny.

Anyways so this man drives us to Sofia and drops us off and we wander around for a while trying to find the FYROM embassy, and then I go and ask at a hostel if they will give us a super good deal. And I told the story to this one man, the whole sad story and he had pity and lead me to another way cheaper hostel. Which brings us to where we are now. I was noticing that we were the only non asian ones here...me and stace. Well turns out that its a Japanese guest house. HAHAHA. so ya i though thtat was funny.

So tomorrow we will be going and trying to get our visas....the funny never stops :)
angee

Gobble.Gobble.Gobble.

Just thought that I would start my blog off with a cliche 'joke' about Turkey :)

Man alive what a strange journey I am on right now. Sometimes it blows my mind.
BUt anyways I have been putting off writing an update on everything and I am really not sure why. But I thought that I would stop putting it off.

To start my update I need to bring you all back to Bulgaria, a place called Demetrograd. We were told that our train left at 11pm, and around 8 pm me and my team were chilling and eating supper at a cafe and then one of our contacts comes in and tells us that they heard that our train leaves at 9:30. So we were just like ok keep us posted (none of us were packed at all yet.) So after we just went back and packed and another one of our contacts came by and told us that our train wouldn't leave until 5am cuz there was a train accident. Well we weren't allowd to stay at the hotel. SO there was a big long decision process to decide where we would go until 5 am. Finally Nascow our one contact got a hold of a church for us to stay at. So we get to the church and we get settled in and I am on the top floor of this church and some people were in the bathroom on the bottom floor, and i heard someone say 'unbelievable'. and it turns out that Nascow called and said that our train was coming in 15 minutes. So I announced to all the people who were upstairs "A STAT HAS BEEN CALLED, THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT A STAT HAS BEEN CALLED"

So we frantically got ready to go and rushed to the train station. We all got settled into the train and we didn't leave that flippin place til after 4 am. I couldn't believe it...we rushed to get on that flippin train and we stayed in one spot for over 4 hours.

So we were late to our church service that we were supposed to do. We didn't get to the border of turkey until about 8:30am. When we were at the Turkish border we had to get out and we had to buy visas, which they tried to charge us double for. But we fought against it :) and won.

It was much more frantic and exciting at the time...I guess my story telling abilities are dwindling.

But ya our time in Turkey has been quite good. We stayed at a church for about 5 days. We got shuffled around to a bunch of different contacts. We were involved in various prayer meetings and worked with different "christian" organizations.

One of my favorite afternoons was we did 'evangelism' with a group called BCC (bible course correspondance) me and this girl...the 2 most ironic people to be picked to deliver tracts...ya we were sent not knowing any turkish to walk around and give people tracts. Well the man sent us down an absolutely empty street. So there was noone. And so finally we turned giving tracts into a game. We ended up going to this mall and pretending we were spies and putting the tracts and random locations. Like in a pair of jeans at a store, or ya it was a lot of fun when we turned it into a game.

We also, I don't know if you read my last blog. We got to witness a demon manifestation. I know it sounds really silly but its true. It was a real learning experience. I don't really feel like getting into the details right now. But i will if you wanna hear more about it. BUt apparantly God has blessed me with a whole bunch of gifts that I don't necessarily want.

But this whole thing has really spurred different thoughts in my head. Like why don't we see these kind of things all that much in North America. Is it because our churches don't have true worship.?

Anyways this was kinda a fast blog/update thing my heart is not really in this update but i will update more later
angee

All Glory to God

Ok so. sorry i haven't updated sooner. i have been avoiding updating things and I don't know why. but i feel the need to update right now...i need everyone to join with me and pray. I need your prayers to be with our team. tonight was one of the hardest nights of my life. i really realized that...well i think that our whole team realized that our fight is not against flesh and blood but against the dark forces and principalities of this world. this whole thing just got real tonight. i don;t know what to feel to be completely honest, all my skeptisicm about this fight was blown out the window tonight. all glory to God the Father who lives in heaven. Jesus is Lord, he definately is. i may write more about it later, but what i ask right now is please pray. Pray for the next step that our team takes. pray for me. pray for all the other students on dts. PRAY HARD PLEASE
angee

This is actually a picture from Russia. I decided to put it on becuz I am now missing the cold weather. It has been so hot here and honestly I miss a cold breeze and a little snow. Enough of this showering and then being covered in sweat before you leave the room.

The top picture is of one of our dramas...Agnus Dei. The one where I play a blind person. Fun times travelling the world I tell ya :)

I was thinking the other day about what in the world I am actually doing. Who gets to do this? Like seriously. All I have I carry on my back so to speak. I am a girl travelling through eastern europe with 9 people and a backpack on my back. Who gets to do this? God is so ridiculous. Like seriously this is karazy insane.

....Maybe I will get to do it again some day :)

2 orphanages and a wedding....

Thought that you would like to see a picture of my karazy outreach team.

Right to Left : Daniel (formerly known as Jong Kyu), Lauren, Will, Jordan(back), Wendy, Stacey, Nate, Natalia, Me...

Hello Everyone

Round 2 shall now begin. Ok funny story, this always happens to me. I just finished writing an amazing super cool exciting update, and all of a sudden right before I press send the flippin power goes off at this internet cafe.... Unbelievable. Shall I start again?

Well right now I am in an internet cafe in Demetrigard Bulgaria. I feel like I have been in Bulgaria for a very long time since we stayed in Sofia, Hissary and now here. In Sofia we had a 2 day holiday and stayed at a hostel with this women who treated us like we were her kids, she even scolded us when we were out too late. It was quite amusing. In Hissarya we stayed in this rented house and we worked with local missionarys who are also with YWAM. While in Hissarya we worked with several different gypsy villages and the local church.

For the past 2 days while being in Demetrigard, we have worked at 2 different orphanages. Yesterday we went to one orphanage that was for mentally sick kids. It was a lot of fun, but it was really hard. Because think of working with those kind of kids where you are, and then add the language barrier. For 2 hours I ran around with a little boy, who I fondly refer to as Lloyd...since I couldn't ever figure out his name. I ran around with him on my back in the scorching 38 degree heat. I wanted to put him down and just leave him, but the only time he smiled was when I was running around and skipping and such with him on my back. And I realized, what am I here for, if I don't even show this kid love the way he needs it right now. BUt it was a lot of fun, it definately took me out of my comfort zone, some of you may know my gag reflex and bad smells and how I gag at the thought of bad smells. Well this kid peed on me during the ride, and how I did not even make a big deal about it I do not know. But it was really funny, cuz after we left the orphanage we are riding in a flippin hot van and everyone was asking where that pee smell was coming from....I pretended it wasn't me. :)

That night some of our people walked us around a gypsy village. Random children would run up and hug me and try to hold my hand. IT was really weird becuz they would bypass the other people and head for me. The children are so beautiful. When we passed one house this women came running at us, shouting 'sofia, sofia!'. And she was pointing at me. I was like I am not sure what was going on. Well it turns out that when I was in Sofia, this women was at a very touristy place and she was sitting on the street begging for money. And I hadn't had any money at the time that I had seen her, but I shook her hand and I gave her daughter my sandwich and coke. And like she remembered me becuz I was one of the only people that had shaken her hand and made an attempt to communicate with her. It was just something I would do naturally, I never knew that I would see this women again. But it was really cool to just see such a simple act of shaking someones hand had a major impact. She was practically crying as she told the story. And while she was telling the story I was holding her naked dirty baby. Let me just say if you plan to live in the real world and plan to help people in need...antibacterial soap is an amazing invention :)

Then that night, we got taken to a gypsy wedding. I walk up first and next thing I know this women who I can only assume was the brides maid grabbed my hand, pulled me through the whole crowd to the middle of the dance floor so that I could meet the bride and groom and take a picture of them. Next thing I know the microphone is being shoved in my face...they wanted me to make a speech. So I say 'congratulations on your wedding.' Blank faces stare at me, so then I was like 'Opa!' and ya the dancing and music began again. IT was such a weird thing. THen the next thing I know is I am back with the rest of my group and they are seating us and serving us drinks. IT was such an amazing time, I wish I could have stayed longer. If any of you ever get the chance to go to a gypsy wedding I would advise that you take it. The gypsy culture is an amazingly diverse and beautiful culture. No one can really define it, especially since there are so many different kinds. And basically every country in Europe has a gypsy population. Someone asked me if I had gypsy in my blood, becuz apparantly I have personality traits of one.

Today we went to another orphange, did a program and chilled with the kids and played this game with some of the guys where I think violence is the name of the game...hitting someone with a volleyball :) They were ages 9-18. It was a really good time. Then on the way back to the city we took a mini bus (which is a 15 seater van.) Have you ever seen 27 people in a 15 seater van? Flip its funny.

But ya on a serious note I would like to ask for your prayers on our final leg of this outreach journey. All of the 6 outreach teams are facing major opposition it seems. All of our teams are running out of money. our team has about 300 euros left. But apparantly when we go to Turkey we still have to pay for visas...and it is 3 times as much for a Canadian to get a visa than an American....what the crap is that? BUt ya as soon as we enter Turkey I believe that we will probly be out of money. And we still have 3 countrys left. But God will provide. All of the other teams are in the same or worse boat.

Also medically there are some challenges. On our team Natalya, her brain tumor is now growing. She is choosing to stay on our team til the end, but please pray because she is losing her vision and has constant headaches. Lauren another girl on her team, her Grandfather whom she is very clsoe with is dying, and she will most likely go home for the funeral. On the Africa team, a 3rd person now has Malaria. On the far east asia team, one of the team leaders while in Mongolia had to be air lifted to China because he had a very serious case of Pneumonia. While he is doing much better, please continue to pray for him so that he may join his outreach team again. On the South east asia team, one girl has been in the hospital in Bangkok for more than a week, and had to have an emergency appendix removal surgery and will be remaining at the hospital for the remainder of outreach along with her team leader. Another girl on that team has an unknown sickness and has to have more tests and will be staying in Thailand for another week with one more girl from the team. The remaining 5 team members all had to switch their ticket dates and stay in Thailand longer but are moving on to India today I believe. Please pray for us all! Its obvious that someone (not gonna mention any names) is intimidated by all the good things that have occured the past few months. But its ok, I know that we have an amazing God.

Other than that God has just really been teaching me to be real with him ya know? So many times I pray and do devotions and yet I am only scratching the surface, so this next phase of outreach I shall be focusing on going deeper and getting more real with him. Anyways thanks for your prayers and support!

Love Angee (Gela)

Dashboard Confessional

Hello Hello,

I am writing to you from...actually I am really not sure where I am. We have moved to yet another location here in Bulgaria. Right now I am in a totally sketch looking internet cafe, where you have to walk down the stairs of what looks like an abandoned appartment building, into a dark room filled with cigarette smoke and little kids playing internet games. Yes filled with little kids, the 8 year old kid next to me just whipped out a cigarette and a zippo. I almost wanted to take a picture.

Lets just say that this creepy little place is better than the hotel we are staying in. By Hotel, I mean hole-tel. Ok so ya, first of all we saw the largest snake we had ever seen outside of captivity, right outside of the hotel. Even our bulgarian driver was shocked. Second of all we are the only girls in the whole hotel. This is once of those places that locals probably knwo to stay away from. ONe of those places that you just know has an hourly rate. Alot of men stay here. Last night I came home and there was water coming out of my room, not a little water, our bathroom had flooded, one of the faucets had fallen off and water was just shooting out of the place. atleast some of the water took or atleast appeared to take some of the blood stains off of the bathroom door. oh but there are still blood stains all over the linens and the curtains in the room.

But all in all its a roof over our head, and if thats the worst condition that i have to endure on this outreach its all good :) I believe that we will be working with 2 orphanges on Wednesday and Thursday. And on Wednesday I think we get to go to a gypsy wedding! Which is flippin exciting! I am excited, I said that if I didn't see a gypsy dance it would ruin my impression of gypsies. So hopefully tomorrow I shall see some dance :)

Anyways God is still flippin ridiculously good....

Gela

internet cafe's...my home away from home

Hello all

I woke up early this morning just so I could go and check my email...how sad is that.? Well today we are making another move. This will be our 3rd location that we have been in, in Bulgaria.

Packing has become like a hobby to me. Seriously I have only packed like how many times on this karazy outreach??

To get serious again, if you could pray for my team right now. We are at an interesting place right now. Well we have been at an interesting place all of outreach, but ya right now especially. We need to go deeper before we go to Turkey, and like alot of things are preventing us from ya know? One girl on my team, she used to have a brain tumor and such and she thinks that it might be coming back, so she is going to get an MRI today. And some of us have started fasting for her healing, so if you could pray for that it would be good. I believe that she won't need surgery again, and that God will heal her, but I would just like more people to join with us in faith that she will be healed. The bible says that prayers offered in faith will heal the sick. And I am holding tight to the promises in Gods word.

But ya besides that we are at a very interesting time. We only have like 3 and a 1/2 weeks left of outreach, its so karazy to me. I can't honestly believe it. But I don't feel like I am ready to go home. I'm not ready for this to be done. as soon as this is done, i once again have no idea what I will be doing with my life. And I think that I am scared of going home. I have changed, I know that, and sometimes when someone changes and then goes back to the people and the life that they had before, its hard to keep the change ya know?

And I want to keep this change. I want and desire to grow more and more in love with God every single day ya know?

Anyways ya I would appreciate your prayers.

Angee

reflections on life

So ya, just thought that i would just share my heart with whoever reads this blog thing I've got going on here. I am in bulgaria right now. With the same 9 people that i have been traveling throught eastern europe with for the past month and a half. We have less than a month left until we meet up with the rest of our school.

Time is passing by so quickly. Seriously. Its passing by before my very eyes. I don't feel ready for this time in my life to end. I don't feel ready to settle into routine just yet. I don't feel ready to lead a normal life. I don't feel ready to work and just be. Even though travelling is hard, and this serving God thing is very hard, and living with the same people for months at a time is freaking freaking hard, I love it. I love it. I want to keep doing this, I don't want to have a life that is just work and living just to make money.

I would love to do this again ya know? Maybe staff or something next year. But as I was reminded today I have serious debt. Student loans and a bank loan. But why am I letting my financial status affect God's plan? He supplied flipping 70,000$ in 3 days. Why wouldn't he supply for me?

Its just the world that gets me down, makes me think that this life of travelling and serving God, is not real life. Its just a holiday. I have had so many people asking me how i am enjoying my holiday. I have a few choice words for those people. THis is definately not a holiday. I suggest that if you think what I am doing is a holiday, try it for yourself.

Its times like these you find out who you are. YOu find out what your made of. you find out things that maybe you don't want to know. And it sucks. It really sucks, when you find out your not the person that you thought you were. But then again its good too, becuz when i find out that i don't know who i am, i can look to God for my identity. Its when i am at that point of need when I have no idea who the crap i am, when i humble myswelf and cry out to my Father in Heaven. And I realize who I am, I am a daughter of the king, and that is so cool. That he looks past hte sin and crap and stupid things that I do, and he sees my heart. He sees me, a child in his eyes, a broken, sometimes hurt child and he just wants to hold me. althought sometimes i dont let him, but when i finally give in its the best thing ever.

So many people try to deny that there is a God, but deep inside everyone knows that there has to be something out there. there has to be something out there that loves them. Everything in this life is earned, we feel obligated to perform and do things so that people like us. But we have a father in heaven whose love is completely unearned. there is ntohing at all that we could possibly do that could make God love us more or less. and thats hard for people to realize in a world where nothing is free.

"I come to bring life...and life to the fullest." John 10:10.

where am i?

right now i dont have very long to write. i am leaving for some little town in bulgaria called hissarya. we are gonna be working with ywam bulgaria there. the past 2 days have been our holiday, in a karazy little city called sofia. it has been a lot of fun.

I shall update more later.
angee

my 20th bday

Hello Hello,
I woke up this morning in a horrible mood. It was my birthday and all I wanted to do was sleep in. I was so mad at the world too. So I decided that I would go for a walk to try to buy a phone card. All I really wanted to do was call home. I was just in some dire need of talking to someone from home ya know?
So I walk down the road to buy a phone card, I try 3 or 4 stores til I find one that sells them. And like I walk in the store and I wanted to know if it was for long distance calls or cell phones. Well I just wanted to look at them and see what they were for. All of a sudden the woman at the store starts yelling at me (this was my worst moment of communication since being in Europe) and I have no clue why she was yelling at me, and i was so upset that I just left amidst her yelling. And I was hardcore upset and I started crying right in front of the store, on the side of the road in Constanta Romania. I was soo pissed off :)

Looking back it was a funny moment, but at the time i was sooo mad. So i go to one last store and I buy a calling card. I go home to the base and try to make a phone call, and ya its a stupid cell phone card, I was flippin mad. My team was wishing me a happy bday and i was like this day sucks, henceforth and forever more my birthday is cancelled. And you know me, I made a big dramatic display of this.

And also today we were going to this village town city thing called Madgedia. I was not looking forward to it at all. We had to take like an hour bus ride to Madgedia, and still being really madl, I went and sat at the back of the bus by myself. I guess I had fallen asleep and when I woke up there were people sittig all around me and just looking at me. It was really quite funny, but it turns out while I had been sleeping Will my team leader came back and put a little birthday packawe goge beside me, and it was taking up a whole seat where people could have been sitting. It made me feel a little better. and in the card was all the bible verse references to verses about peace...which is what i am seeking right now :) haha...inside story.

But ya we got to the village and it was good, and we met the people who we would be working with. We split up into 2 groups and our group walked around the village. You see Madgedia is a Turkish Muslim, and a Gypsie town. So its a pretty poor town. And we walked around and like people came out of their houses to stare at us, and kids would run ahead and tell people that we were walking by. I truly felt like i was in a different country. More so than any other place yet.
In the afternoon we did a kids program. It was one of the funnest programs ever. I just had so much fun. The kids were so stinkin adorable, I enjoyed myself so much. We did a program and tothen we just played with them. This one guy one my team was holding this little girl on his shoulders and we look and i guess she had ripped pants so her right bum cheek was on his shoulder. It was so funny. These kids were so starved for love and attention. It was really hard to leave them.

In the evening we did a youth program which was a lot of fun too. Actually skipping back to before the programs when we were deciding who would speak and such, I was so mad cuz they wanted me to speak cuz i apparantly have the most in common with turkish muslims and gypsies...im really not sure what that means. but it went really good.

And during each thing my team got the kids/ youth to sing happy birthday in romanian, turkish and english. what are you supposed to do when people sing to you? i just sat there and grinned like an idiot. and it was a joke that the kids thing was my bday party cuz we had balloons and kids and games :)

And so after everything was done, we were leaving and i thought we were going to catch the bus back. but turns out we were gonna go out for supper for my birthday. and the missionaries we had been working with came too. it was so sneaky. we went to this sweet pizzaria. the pizza took so long that we missed the last bus too. it was funny, we ended up having to take a train! my first real train on my birthday! isnt that cool, although on saturday i will start traveling by train everywhere. it was fun. In the train station this guy kept trying to take secretive pictures of us. but i totally knew and so i posed (on his camera phone) and some girls on our team were freaking out that we were gonna e find our faces on naked bodies on the internet. and i thought taht that would be flippin hilarious!But ya I got home and a girl here at hte base who barely knows me had bought me flowers!!! it ,was so cool, and there were little gifts on my bed, and cards from my team, and cards that everyone from new zealand had signed. over all it turned into a good day.

anyways ya tyhis is turning into a book, i shall talk to you soon!
Angee

My Birthday

So ya tomorrow...May 9 is my 20 birthday...and i certainly am not looking forward to it. Not only is it my first birthday away from home, actually i am not sure why i am so upset about it. maybe cuz its my 20th bday and i am no longer a teen.

but k get this, for my 20th bday i will be spending the day working with turkish muslims and gypsies at a small village in romania. ya i am in romania. who else gets to work with turkish muslims and gypsies on their bday in romania.

but so far romania has been quite good, i didnt really do an update on poland, but it was good. here in romania we are working with the constanta ywam. they are a pretty cool group of people. tomro i will be working with street kids. i guess there are a ton of street kids here.

and our base where we live is a 5 min walk from the black sea which is pretty darn cool...and for those of you who have stayed up late at night wondering...yes it is actually black.

so funny i met the italian hIandball team. stacey my team leader got her arm shut in the door of a bus...i cant explain it cuz we arent really sure what happened but it was flippin funny and she has bruises and a large bump on her arm...ya they laughed at her. i have to admit i almost peed my pants.

i almost got pick pocketed but fortunately my hand was already in my pocket so they just grabbed my hand. it was quite embarassing for the guy. oh and its like totally normal to see carts with horses pulling them just drve down the road. yesteray i saw a cart parked beside a beamer. (bmw)

and today i made up my own language. me and my friend went out this afternoon and some creepy guys started hitting on us and when they realized we didnt speak romanian they started speaking english to us, so i just started rambling in some foreign tongue. it was quite amusing.

anyways i should go i will talk to yall later!

Angee

POland Poland POland

hEY GUYS,
once again i wrote a big long update but erased it...woe is me :) haha anyways i am going to romania tomoro. keep emailing me!
Angee

God is so good

What can I say about the time I've had here in POland. God is good. He really is good. I don't sleep very much anymore, I have turned into an Insomniac, but its good cuz I get to spend even more time with the Lord which is good.

In Poland...more specifically Pabinice, we have been doing a lot of prayer. A lot of prayer. We go on prayer walks and we pray alot cuz the missionaries that we are working with are hard into praying. Its been good, but some people on my team are sick of being over spiritual. But alot of growth is happening with in our group here.

I honestly can't believe that we left Russia about a week ago, and we've been in Poland for a week. It seems like yesterday that we were in out little apparatment in Russia. OH how I miss Russia. The first half of our trip is almost over I honestly can't believe it. The stay in each place gets shorter and shorter after this.

But ya I should go, I am on a time limit. Today is our free day and me and Will, Lauren and Jong Kyu took an hour tram ride to Lodz (pronounced woodge) and they are waiting for me.

If you want to see more team updates and such we have a travel journal page and it is
http://www.traveljournals.net/travelers/aw80europe

Enjoy!

Hey VP, how long are you back in finland for? Our team really misses you! we talk about you all the time!

I am in Poland

Heyhey,
I am in Poland. I place called Woodj (but thats not how you spell it, but anyways) all is going good. Ya know God is flippin good, he is just proving himself time and time again to me. He is such a faithful and good God. He is teaching me so much that I can't even get into it now or it will be pages and pages long :)

But Poland is pretty cool. It feels alot like home though for some reason. I just feel at home here, except for the different language. We are staying in an amazing house, with some brittish missionaries. Its been going pretty good.

Anyways I should be off, so much more to do :)

Angee

russia 2...how original

Hello
Well I just spent about an hour writing a super cool update about the second half of my time in Russia. But I accidently erased it. Believe me it was really good. So now I really don't feel like spending that much time on it, I shall just summarize the rest of my time, or write about the important things.
YWAM St. Petersburg had a Love feast for us with traditional Russian food. We toured the city. Spent the day at the Hermitage ( a big famous art museum and saw paintings by Monet, DaVinci, Rembrandt, VanGoh and many others. This buliding is also what used to be called the winter palace (the place where the Romanovs lived)
We did programs in a whole bunch of prisons over Easter weekend. A sick womens one, boys aged 14-19, a girls home, a womens prison, and a mens prison. Overall they all went quite well.
And the other day we went to a Russian Bonya. Is where you sit in a super dooper hot sauna for a while and then you go into a lake with ice on it. It was a really good cultural experience. We got to hang out with some naked babooshkas which is always fun. Oh and you also get whipped with birch leaves which is enjoyable.
Yesterday right before we left St. Petersburg, me and Will took a last minute trip downtown, to take stealth pictures of things and people. Like I would pose for a picture and he would take a picture of someone behind me. It was funny, everyone probly knew what was happening but we had fun.
Then we went to the square in front of the hermitage and there was this big army, military, marine march thing going on. And I got will to go and stand in front of this very serious line of Military men and stike a weird pose, and it was so funny cuz I took a picture with his camera, and ya it will be an awesome shot. The serious men behind him, and then him. It was great, we are not sure why there was all this stuff going on, but if you hear about anything happening in Russia (St. Petersburg) on the 19th please tell me.
And last night we caught a night bus to Helsinki. It was quite uneventful except I got yelled at, at the Russian border. Apparantly they thought that I was trying to smuggle myself over the border. Slight translation and language difficulty. It was quite funny looking back. Now we are in Helsinki at the hostel, i am just chilling while the rest of my team catches up on sleep. Tomorrow we head to Poland, Lodz to be exact (pronounced Woodge)
In conclusion, I have been learing alot about different cultures and alot about me. God is really teaching me things, crazy things. BUt ya I should be off I will talk to you all later
Angee

Russia Update

Hello All!...so this is long, so read it if you want...but its super exciting...:) and update on russia
Ok sorry I haven't written yet....actually its only been a week. A week! Its only been a week. I seriously feel like i have been gone for so stinkin long. I guess that might be because I haven't been in Canada for a while.
So much has happened in this short time. We left New Zealand on the 2 of April at about 1 pm. We had a 10 hour or so flight to Singapore. Oh I love Singapore. We had about a 5 hour layover there and it was pretty fun. Then we had a 12 hour flight to Frankfurt. That was real long and I sat in the middle of a German couple...why on earth they wouldn't switch seats with me who knows. So I couldn't really sleep. So by the time I arrived in Frankfurt I was flippin tired. At the airport we left the airport for a few minutes and breathed German air:) then we went back in. Our Next flight was less that 2 hours to Helsinki. It was short and sweet and I think I slept more on that flight that I did on the 12 hour one.
At the airport in Helsinki, our Finland contact Heidi picked us up along with this guy named Slava (the guy who was gonna drive us to Russia). They drove us to a hostel...its so cool its the stadium where the 1952 olympics were held and the hostel is like built into the stadium. It was pretty cool. At that hostel I got my first proposal of the trip, they warn the people in like Africa and Asia that they might get proposed to but not in Europe...but ya it happened in Helsinki. But it was this guy from Cameroon :) He told me that if I wanted to invite him to live with me he wouldn't turn me down. It was quite amusing...we were like oh boy.
Ya we drove to Russia in a big van (haha so weird to say that i just drove to Russia) like there weren't enough seats so we had a couch in the back and some people chilled on that. It was about a 6 hour drive all together. Within the first 15 minutes of driving we got stopped by the cops. Ya apparantly we had hit this womans car but noone noticed. It was pretty funny I tell ya. We were all like praying hardcore I tell ya. But praise God (Slava Bogo) that the lady chose not to charge us. The reason why it took so long from Helsinki to St Petersburg is becuz we were at customs for about an hour and a half. The first check point we went through was the Finland border, that was pretty easy. We just presented our passports. then was the actual Russian border. We all had to get out of the vehicle in the freezing cold and we had to fill out forms and present passports and ya. This one girl had her passport taken from her and we were like what the crap is going on. It turns out that her Russian visa said that she was a boy. They had never had that happen before. They were trying to get us to pay them money, and we prayed and prayed right in front of the customs office. And us being the people we are we prayed quietly cuz we didn't want to get arrested at the Russian border (oh by the way there were a lot of people with guns walki ng around) but Slava the guy we were with prayed loudly and kept saying Slava Bogo (which means praise God) He totally wasn't afraid which was cool to see.
Ya finally we got through and we didn't even have a van check which is a really really good thing becuz we had a ton of stuff in there. we were bringing stuff over the border for this prison ministry and such that we are doing easter weekend. So ya we finally got to where we are staying, its this sweet little appartment. K St. Petersburg is so, I don't know grey, dark, like the legacy of communism is still alive. You walk down the street and noone smiles (my dad even smiles more than all of these people :) haha i thought i was funny) Like its a very joyless place it seems. And the buildings are all very grey. Its really hard cuz i am a person who likes smiling at people and ya noone really smiles back. But it is soo beautiful and the people are beautiful. the next day or something we left St. Petersburg and we went to a village. YWAM St. Petersburg has a little house thing/ cabin...it actually looks like my house at home a lot. And ya it has no power or water. Becuz people are really corrupt and the town thinks that the building is a cult so they change hardcore big ammounts of money to these people. But we stayed there for like 4 days I believe. Besides the no running water it was a lot of fun. It was one girl on my team, her first time seeing snow. So it was exciting for her, she made her first snow man and it was really cute. We did a program for old babooskas (old women) it was so fun, Russian old woman are not like the ones back home. They are a special breed I tell ya. They were so cute and they didn't seem to understand the concept that we didn't speak Russian so they would keep speaking and speaking to us. But they were sooo adorable. We also did practical work duties in this house we put up siding...I was soo good at it :) Cuz I've had experience doing before, or at least experience watching it. But ya I even worked a circular saw and when the generator wasnt on I sawed by hand. I think I want to become a carpenter now :)...Just jokes.
We also did a youth/child program. It was fun. And also the babooshkas had us over to one of their appartments. Ok so the babooshkas meet for bible study twice a week, and they all walk to this house, the path that you walk up to it is quite long, but like we didn't realize how far these deadly old women walk for bible studies in the snow and ice. probly about a kilometer each way. It was so cool cuz we totally had our prayers answered that day, we were going to their house without a translator, and we prayed that someone would be given the gift of understanding of the language. Cuz russian is completely different from english, we barely have the same words. But ya I was the translator, like I am really starting to understand this language, like I had conversations, and told the group what the women were saying and they were so shocked and so was I. but they kept filling our plates more and more, and then we realized there is a rule that if your plate is emptied it will be filled:) Well it was definately filled I tell ya. But it was so much fun. And then some more babooshkas walked us back to our house, it was so cool. They are adorable. I can't even describe it.
Then back in St.Petersburg, we did a ministry to soldiers. I have to admit I was a little nervous about that...I mean this was and is still a pretty closed country, but it went pretty good. So ya the people who ran it were these cliche americans. they are the reason that people dislike americans, and christians. they had worked in Russia for 12 years....and still didn't speak the langauge. I probly could say more than the man. And in the first 2 seconds of talking to him, he started talking about back in Nam, and when I was in Korea. I honestly wanted to throw something at him. But I refrained. But k there was this one military guy who spoke some english, and he said he was a dancer, and we were thinking break dancing, so we were like ya go dance (me and this other girl) well turns out freestyle does not mean break dancing. He was a male stripper, so he did this like strip dance in a church! The flippin funniest thing EVER! Oh my goodness I nearly peed my pants...for serious. And we rode the metro for the first time...its this underground train, and flip k this train is so far underground, we ride this huge GIGANTIC escalators, and ya seriously they take like 5 minutes to get down, like they are crazy, from the top you can barely see the bottom and vice versa.
But today was the best yet the worst day. We went to a childrens hospital. Its actually a place where children get dropped off, and its the holding place until an orphanage opens up for them. So we did a program with some kids who were 4 to 15 I believe and like it wasn't so bad, it was sad, but like it wasn't that heart breaking. So when we were done, they were like ok we are going to a different floor. And ya it was the hard floor. Babies. Most of them were sick. So many babies. And like the conditions aren't very good, I mean they get changed once a day maybe. Like it was really hard. I was playing with some babies and like ya, I walked with one and he was adorable. But then I went to like this maybe 3 year olds room, and they were the kids who couldn't leave their rooms cuz they were sick. And ya this one boy, I guess I am the first person he ever like sat in the lap of. Like he never responds to people, and I got him to laugh. It was soo hard to leave him, he was just opening up, his name was Daniel. He cried when I left, I am actually tearing up right now. Like I knew it would be hard, but I didn't like think it would be that hard. Like its different when its little babies, cuz they don't really remember you ya know? But this boy was so sweet. Oh my heart just breaks for these kids. Like ya I really want to help them. I've always wanted to adopt, maybe I will adopt a Russian baby...But I will probly wanna adopt some kids from every orphanage we go to. But we gave some of the older kids like the 4-10 year old kids some stickers and they were so happy.
One last story, I am the food person on my team, I am in charge of shopping for all our food and planning all of our meals. And the first time I went to the store with 2 other people they thought we were completely retarded, I mean we didn't know any Russian at all, but yesterday when I went yesterday, this one woman who used ot glare at us, she smiled and laughed with me, as she taught me the numbers and I taught her the numbers in English. And they also gave us a discount card, which was really cool cuz usually you have to ask for it. But they just gave it to me. They like me haha.
Anyways I should go, I will talk to yall later...sorry this is so long, I probly could have summarized it, but really I didn't feel like it.
Angee
"For I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength." Philipians 4:13

safe in russia

just htought that i would quickly update this page. i am in russia and safe :) i am alive. and i should write more later!
angee

TODAY is HERE!

OK so today...i mean in an hour i am leaving my home of the last 3 months. leaving it. so far 3 teams have left before me...the africa team, south east asia, and the middleast. we are next. I can't believe it at all. for serious. what on earth. what on earth????? who does this?????
oh man alive flip God is soo good. who gets to do this kind of thing?

Anyways ya I don't know when the next time is that i will update my blog, it could be in 15 hours when i get to singapore or it could be longer. but ya i am off, i shall talk to you all later.

oh just another thought. an era of my life just ended. another door just closed. I can;t ever really go back to where i was here. like i can come back but it will never be the same. this just really encourages me to just soak up every moment ya know? like to take advantage of the time that i have been given here, cuz ya never know when it may end.

and ya i love you all, and you are all in my prayers. see you guys later.

'Rejoice in the Lord always, again i say rejoice" Phil 4:4

Tomorrow is the day....

Hello Hello
Tomorrow is the day that everything I've done in the last 3 months adds up to. I am going on outreach. Thinking back to 3 months ago I thought that lecture phaze would be sooo stinking long. But its over now. I signed up for this program partially becuz i wanted to travel the world. Well i didn't think that I would be leaving everyone ya know?

But we are, the Africa team has left already. Reality has just sunk in. I am sooo I am not sure how i feel, excited to travel, sad about leaving my family here, but yet happy cuz i will see them again in Israel.

But God is good. He is soo good. He is the ONLY reason that I have made it this far. Seriously if I didn't have him I would have quit long ago.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you all! And ya keep me in your prayers.

Angee

I'm Leaving!!

Hey there everyone

As most of you know, the past 3 months I have spent going to school in New Zealand. My time in New Zealand has pretty much come to an end and its not time for outreach. Me and a team of 8 other people:
Nate & Wendy....a couple from Florida
Natalya....Peurto Rico
Lauren....California
Jong Kyu...South Korea
Jordan...Kansas
Stacey (one of the team leaders)...New Serepta Alberta Canada (like 30 minutes away from my house)
Will (our other team leader)...California

We will be going to Russia and Eastern Europe...places like Finland, Poland, Romania, Bulgaria, Macedonia, Turkey, Greece and then we graduate in Israel with the rest of the people that I have gone to school with. I am really excited. But I know that at the same time its gonna be really hard. Please please pray for me! PRay that our team would be united, that above everything we would love. LOVE. That we would love. Love is so freaking important and I want to be a person that loves. Love not judge.

Also pray for the hearts of the people that we will be talking to, pray that God would spiritually prepare us. Oh and pray that God would give us opportunity to talk to people on the long long airplanes. Oh and praise God too, praise God that there are people who go out and do these things, praise him for the opportunity that he has given me, praise him for permanent missionarys who are there all the time. Just praise God for who he is! Praise the Lord that we can have a relationship with him! Praise God that he is a personal God, thats the things that all other religions are missing out on...a personal relationship with God.

Anyways I love you all, and I am praying that God blesses yall! Keep emailing me! and keep checking my blog... leaveit2beave@hotmail.com

6 days and counting

6-5-4-3-2-1...................we have lift off!

Time has been going sooo fast. In 6 days I shall be getting on a plane. Seriously this is completely insane. I am so excited. But I really hate packing for serious. Packing is the absolute worst part of travelling.

And I am really thinking alot about my future...but then I realize even if I plan it won't make a difference...cuz you know me I always do last minute things...even if the plans seem quite concrete. but ya as of right now, I want to work. I want to work. Haha. I want to live a normal life for just a bit ya know? I wanna be a massage therapist for a bit and maybe do other things. Have 2 jobs.

Anyways I shall be off,
I will talk to you later
Angee

Oh my GOodness

Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness!
I have pretty much not been able to get on the computer since Thursday. So in my last entry I talked about how we were fasting indefinately until the money came in. Well on Monday and Tuesday $20,000 came in. And thats pretty awesome. Wednesday night this bell thing rang which usually signifies a meal or something rang. And there is a pregnant staff member so I thought that she was having her baby or something. Well they wait until everyone is in the room and then our school leader Josie announces that all our money was in! That the fast was over! A couple had donated $50,000nz! Isn't that amazing. It totally just proved how incredibly faithful God is. Like isn't that freaking amazing! Ya its just real exciting. Cuz you always hear about how other people experience miracles like that, and to finally get my own big story. Its so awesome! God is sooo good.

Anyways like a week until we leave pretty much. People are starting to pack. I think that, that is pretty much real insane. I honestly can't believe that in less that 10 days I will be in Russia. Russia? Who on earth goes to Russia? Like really now?

Anyways I will try to update a bit more this week.

Ciao for now!