reflections on life

So ya, just thought that i would just share my heart with whoever reads this blog thing I've got going on here. I am in bulgaria right now. With the same 9 people that i have been traveling throught eastern europe with for the past month and a half. We have less than a month left until we meet up with the rest of our school.

Time is passing by so quickly. Seriously. Its passing by before my very eyes. I don't feel ready for this time in my life to end. I don't feel ready to settle into routine just yet. I don't feel ready to lead a normal life. I don't feel ready to work and just be. Even though travelling is hard, and this serving God thing is very hard, and living with the same people for months at a time is freaking freaking hard, I love it. I love it. I want to keep doing this, I don't want to have a life that is just work and living just to make money.

I would love to do this again ya know? Maybe staff or something next year. But as I was reminded today I have serious debt. Student loans and a bank loan. But why am I letting my financial status affect God's plan? He supplied flipping 70,000$ in 3 days. Why wouldn't he supply for me?

Its just the world that gets me down, makes me think that this life of travelling and serving God, is not real life. Its just a holiday. I have had so many people asking me how i am enjoying my holiday. I have a few choice words for those people. THis is definately not a holiday. I suggest that if you think what I am doing is a holiday, try it for yourself.

Its times like these you find out who you are. YOu find out what your made of. you find out things that maybe you don't want to know. And it sucks. It really sucks, when you find out your not the person that you thought you were. But then again its good too, becuz when i find out that i don't know who i am, i can look to God for my identity. Its when i am at that point of need when I have no idea who the crap i am, when i humble myswelf and cry out to my Father in Heaven. And I realize who I am, I am a daughter of the king, and that is so cool. That he looks past hte sin and crap and stupid things that I do, and he sees my heart. He sees me, a child in his eyes, a broken, sometimes hurt child and he just wants to hold me. althought sometimes i dont let him, but when i finally give in its the best thing ever.

So many people try to deny that there is a God, but deep inside everyone knows that there has to be something out there. there has to be something out there that loves them. Everything in this life is earned, we feel obligated to perform and do things so that people like us. But we have a father in heaven whose love is completely unearned. there is ntohing at all that we could possibly do that could make God love us more or less. and thats hard for people to realize in a world where nothing is free.

"I come to bring life...and life to the fullest." John 10:10.